First on this list is whoever invented the gas-powered leaf blower. Like many sharply hit baseballs, their exit velocity is over a hundred mph. This pox on society serves a useful purpose for only the laziest of homeowners and the most fanatically time-sensitive landscapers. But its earsplitting whine has prompted no end of bylaw and ordinance proposals to ban them from one or another town, with excellent reasons, including but not limited to the abiding headaches they cause for the rest of us between the noise and gas fumes. And people run them for what seem hours. And the reality is they don’t save a heck of a lot of time, they’re just a lot less physical labor than raking. There’s certainly no wonder why Americans are so fat; the simplest physical chore is anathama to most of us. So go use your leaf blower for an afternoon, and then go spend thousands on a Peloton instead, why don’t you?
Second is whoever invented two-step verification for access to websites, usually banks and credit card operations. As if signing on wasn’t a big enough pain in the ass as it was, this clown decided people are too stupid to put together unguessable passwords (though to be fair, not without reason), so let’s make it harder to get in. If you haven’t enjoyed this newest fad, you put in your user id and then your password, and then on the next screen you have to choose how you want your “secret code” send to you, which is usually a text. Which means then you have to get up and go get your phone, get into your texts, type in the “secret code” on the computer, and then you can finally get in. Of course, when you check off “remember this browser”, it never does, so every time you want to check your credit card balance, you have to go through this whole rigamarole again.
Third are the creators, supporters and acolytes of baseball analytics, who deserve their own column so they won’t be harangued here – not today anyway. These people deserve not only to be shot, but only painfully wounded and then slowly drawn and quartered by four horses as well. If you don’t know what that is, we assure you it is not pleasant.